Completing one's email address as name@host (whilst omitting the critical .wtf in the address)

Inability to locate a website when provided with the link to the exact fucking page the link points to. How? Rather than clicking the link, a handful of folks like to paste them into the Yahoo! search bar. Was the link actually clickable? Why, yes, as confirmed when I give up and say look, just go back to the email (where is that?) go back to the email (which one?) the one I sent you, go back to the email, see the link? Click it. (with the mouse?) No, with your perineum, of course with your fucking mouse!

Me: Did you click the link I sent you in email?
Them: No. I wrote it down then typed it into my computer.
Me: Where in your computer?
Them: At the top of the screen.
Me: No, exactly where? In the address bar of your browser?
Them: Address? Bar? Browser? What weird words you use!
Me: Tell me what you see.
Them: Yahoo!
Me: And?
Them: A blank, where I typed it. Then I clicked search like you said.
Me: You're hallucinating. I never said anything like that. My email said click the fuckin' link. See the very very very (almost) very top of your screen where it probably says something like http://www.yahoo.com? Is that where you put it?
Them: No.
Me: That's where it goes.
Them: Then click search?
Me: No, then die. In a fire.
Me: *listens to keyboard clickety-clack*
Them: It doesn't work.
Me: Did you type it where the yahoo.com address was?
Them: Yes, right after it.
Me: No, die now. Try doing it the right way.
Them: *clickety-clack*
Me: Any better?
Them: No. It says page not found.
Me: Read me back what you typed.
Them: htp.\wrongspellingorg/com.
Me: You ever consider a field where you don't need to read, write, listen or be correct?

< / fantasy conversation>

Epilogue: Was the link actually clickable? Why, yes, as confirmed when I give up and say look, just go back to the email (where is that?) go back to the email (which one?) the one I sent you, go back to the email, see the link? Click it. (with the mouse?) No, with your cervix, of course with your fucking mouse! (nothing happened) Did you click the link? Yes. With the mouse? (no, with my perineum, erm, yes) And nothing happened? (well a new thing opened up at the bottom of my screen) Did you bother to look at it? (no) Look at it! (okay) Was that it? (oh, there it is! why do you people make this so difficult?)

Completing an application for a certificate needed to maintain licensure in the worst possible handwriting. Good luck getting that delivered correctly with yer name spelled right!

Omitting zip codes on said applications. Have these folks *never* used mail before? FFS

Leaving bitchy voicemail demanding a call back and failing to leave a #.

Sadly, these are not isolated incidents. Closing out a 60-hour work week, however, has me a mite more sensitive to the mounting levels of stoopidity.

Bonus bitches:

Having a comment struck from my performance eval re: saving the org major HR $. Why? Because HR did that with the hiring decision, not me. Yeah? How much would they have saved if I'd said no to taking on a second full-time job? Fuckers.

Having a benefit chiseled away (vacation time) with the expectation that it comes with the job. Um, no? The fuckin' benefit came with the job.

Having another comment struck from my eval re: assurance of operational support to get my two full time jobs done. Why? No such support was promised! Nevermind that said person was in the meeting when such assurance was made.

Discovering that my "promotion" only put me up to the spot just below where my most recent predecessor left off, nevermind that in the last year prior to this "promotion" my role was actually managerial (enough for salary), salaried not hourly like said predecessor's, and critical to the org's successful avoidance of screwing the proverbial pooch.

Silver lining: 2 priority goals for 2010

1) Milk this new position's salary for what it's worth throughout spring resulting in a set of fuckin' wheels finally.

2) Get the fuck outta dodge. As long as I'm gonna get bent over, I might as well do it somewhere for only 40 hours a week or at least get OT for it.

Other than these things, I'm still surprisingly happy overall. Life *outside* the office, such as I get to experience it, is filled with win. And in spite of the above complaints about the performance eval, I still rocked the house with a ton of "exceeded expectations" ratings. Damned straight I did. Then again, judging from what I observe around me day to day, some of those expectations must be quite low, so I'm not sure how much I get to boast.

AP Enterprise: Crew blames capt. for pirate attack

Hell, did you see the short skirt he was wearing and the roofies he washed down with a bottle of gin? Had it comin'! (ugh, I feel filthy, wrong and evil even thinking that). His decisions may have been imprudent, but yeah...blaming the victim doesn't work here either, imho.

Comcast aims to reshape entertainment with NBC

a) Ugh. There goes NBC (not that we'll lose much). b) Way to further consolidate the media! c) FCC ain't even mentioned. For once I'd love to see them involved in something.

Blessed are the conservative in Bible translation

Great. Just fuckin' dandy, even. I guess there's just too many "nice" things thrown in to the hodge-podge called a bible. Maybe they should just throw out everything except Genesis, chapter 1, the bit in Exodus with the commandments, Leviticus, and Lamentations (they gotta get their giggles *somewhere*, right?). Fuck all that fuzzy-bunny shit elsewhere in the book, especially all that liberal crap liberal Jeebus spewed about loving folks and not being asshats.

In other news, life is grand. My mood is good. Stayin' busy (employed, even!).

Back to yer usual programming :)

CATERER CHARGED WITH DUI, COPS DELIVER FOOD

Talk about fast food. Police delivered a catered lunch order Wednesday after the caterer who was trying to make the delivery was charged with driving under the influence. Willie D. Meekins, 32, of Fort Washington, tested at four times the legal blood alcohol content limit for driving, which is 0.08, according to Maryland State Police. (Frederick News Post)

In other news, mention of whether or not donuts were included in the order or were successfully delivered is suspiciously absent from the above report.

...a drinking game!

Did U.S. make mistake in skipping vaccine additive?

The rules:

1. Get yer hooch, intoxicant, or general beverage of choice handy
2. Read the article
3. Direct all hooch/beverage spitting away from monitor (but blow smoke wherever ya feel like)
4. Indulge every time you spot a critical omission, misdirection, outright lie, failure to commit journalism, or opportunity for science to be buried again under money and politics.

At the moment, waiting for my arch-nemesis to stop hogging my boss's time during our scheduled meeting so we can actually meet about stuff of importance.

Most of the news in my personal world is of the good variety. Lots of socializing at home, artistic endeavors, creative bursts, plenty of painting, some guitar, loads of food, great friends, all for the win. Huzzah!

Where work is concerned, we shall see. I'm still torn at the moment whether I jump into a minefield with full force and vigor during the tentatively scheduled meeting that follows the one currently held hostage by Ms. Useless.

Sometimes I don't really want things to be more interesting, but where things stand right now it may be necessary to change the general tenor of "interesting" that I keep experiencing here. For now it's so interesting that I've even got my resume printed out and ready for revision. There may be need. If so, I plan to be the one that dictates the when and the how.

Obama warns of a 'double dip' recession

President Barack Obama says he's worried that spending too much money to help revive the economy could undermine a fragile U.S. recovery and throw the economy into a double-dip recession.

Ya think?

Saturday is NaDruWriNi (National Drunk Writing Night)
[with credit to the_siobhan]

The rules are simple;

1. The goal is to drink while you write and write while you’re drunk. Drink as much as you want, write as much as you want, but be responsible, and don’t blame me if you write/do anything stupid.

2. Use this as a writing exercise to free yourself of inhibitions. Write in your blog. Write in a Moleskine. Write in a spiral notebook. Write on a bar napkin if you must. Just write.

3. If you have a blog, Facebook, MySpace or presence on any other networking site, post this event. Encourage others to participate.

4. Gatherings of participants are encouraged. Post gathering info in the comments below.

5. You must tell us what you are drinking.

6. You must NOT edit anything you have written. Part of the fun of NaDruWriNi are the Freudian slips. Also, if you write by paper, post a picture of your writing to your site or to Flickr using the tag “nadruwrini2008″ so we can see your awful penmanship.

7. Make an image or steal this one.

8. Have fun!

Prost!

Coworker email: All, please log out, we're rebooting shit.
*log out* *take break* *come back* *attempt to log in* *success*

An hour passes.

Coworker email: All, I forgot to mention that the system is back up now!

********

Gee, might only those of us who figured that shit out get the message?

Business writing tips from the Governator

First, mirror the other party's points to confirm accurate understanding
Underline salient points
Clarify any jargon
Keep points brief

Yield credit where credit is due
Offer your counter-proposal
Underscore how your counter-proposal is the better choice

Extra points for subtlety!

The first: OBAMA'S REAL DEATH PANELS

Obama could still personally order a government agency to murder you.

Which is weird. But not nearly as weird as the fact that you probably don't care enough to do something about it.

The second: MR. OBAMA: RESIGN NOW

Obama is useless. Worse than that, he's dangerous. Which is why, if he has any patriotism left after the thousands of meetings he has sat through with corporate contributors, blood-sucking lobbyists and corrupt politicians, he ought to step down now--before he drags us further into the abyss.

I refer here to Obama's plan for "preventive detentions." If a cop or other government official thinks you might want to commit a crime someday, you could be held in "prolonged detention." Reports in U.S. state-controlled media imply that Obama's shocking new policy would only apply to Islamic terrorists (or, in this case, wannabe Islamic terrorists, and also kinda-sorta-maybe-thinking-about-terrorism dudes). As if that made it OK.

...

"Prolonged detention," reported The New York Times, would be inflicted upon "terrorism suspects who cannot be tried."

"Cannot be tried." Interesting choice of words.

-----------

In other news, life is good :)

...the only sentence you will need to read all day:

A Michigan pet store employee got himself a mouthful of cockroaches[.]

From: Article

"Why would I need to read that?" you ask? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe I'm just a bad person ;)

My new housemate had his kids over Friday night/yesterday morning. I never thought I'd say this, but...how wonderful! IIRC, his son is 5, his daughter is 7. They were adorable, smart, and funny with a minimum of acting out. The kicker? Turns out (according to the housemate even) that I'm actually really good with kids!?!!@# *blink*

Other than that yesterday was pretty uneventful. It was a much needed day of slack. As for today, I was up earlier than anticipated. 2 cups of coffee later and the bathroom is clean, the guitar is more practiced, and my mind is whirling in a zillion directions trying to settle on a path for the day.

Next up, a little web browser in search of correspondences with Saturn (which has been on my mind quite a lot of late). In particular, I'll be looking up musical correspondences (notes, modes, scales) and will see if I can find some piece (or pieces) of music that would be suitable for meditating on the qualities signified by Saturn. As you may have guessed, no, I'm not looking for crackpots who think they've communicated with aliens from another planet ;) I'll be spending quite some time working with this particular symbol. Going into this exercise, I expect I'll see an improvement in my work ethic, time management, organizational skills, and discipline in a rather general sense. Only good can come of it in the long run but I'm equally sure this is going to suck for a while at least. Just my luck. When I decide to come out of my atheist mode in search of experiences magical and mystical again the very first thing inspiration leads me to is the god of anti-slack. Oish.

I can now add my name to the list of folks who like scrapple. Huzzah, dubious distinctions!

I get some interesting magazines from work now and again. Recently I was turned on to Miller-McCune. Reading the latest issue to come in last night, I encountered this article:

Finding Water from Outer Space

Rather than addressing water found on Mars or the moon, this is actually about new technologies that have made remote sensing possible.

NASA's Landsat satellites record images of the Earth using eight different wavelengths, from infrared to visible light. The most recent addition to this arsenal of space-based imagery became available in 2004, when NASA released topographical data gathered by the space shuttle. That has enabled researchers for the first time to create 3-D views of any area on the planet. "It's a fantastic gift from the United States to the world," Gachet says.

Out of context this bit doesn't shed much light on the article overall, but it makes a mighty damned salient point regarding the value of our space program. Thanks to space-based technologies folks otherwise without a prayer for survival have or will have that most precious of rare commodities...fresh water. And for all the harm we export as a nation, it's good to see that we do occasionally export something of genuine value capable of generating peace dividends...information.

If you believe that the health insurer practice of declining coverage based on a previous history of being the victim of rape and/or domestic violence (or, to be fair, quibbling around with the semantics so that the end results are the same damned thing) needs to be ended (and I'm quite sure you do), how's about a wee bit o' activism:

Being A Woman Is Not a Pre-Existing Condition

...since I can't seem to find/make the time for the verbose version :P

That allergy attack mentioned in a recent post? Well, after the successful shrimp and okra bisque dinner congestion set in. By the next morning it was evidently flu after all. I ended up missing that entire week of work and a couple days the next week. The only good that came of it is that neither of my dinner guests caught my plague *whew* 8 days off in a row spent wallowing in snot and self-pity and/or anxiety about what awaited me at work, ugh. Even when I felt better the anxiety about work undid any other enjoyment to be had.

On the bright side, when I got back to work it was just a 3-day work-week followed by a normal 2-day weekend. Those 3 days plus the next 3 work days were spent largely preparing for a March of Dimes symposium on prematurity (held Thurs/Fri last week). For the record, I emphatically do *not* enjoy waking at 4:30 AM to arrive anywhere for 7 AM ;) The symposium itself was a smashing success. Thank goodness that's now over with. Work can progress in a zillion other directions now.

One of those zillion directions has been fraught with drama. There have been gathering stormclouds in the office...occasional emails that so-and-so will no longer be with us, guarded comments from others about impending changes. It's enough to spook a person! Imagine my spook-ed-ness when I got a meeting invite to sit down with my boss and the Executive Director re: "my role". Eek. Now would not be a good time for a layoff (not that there are good times, but some times are worse than others). That meeting took place the day before the symposium. The surprise guest at that meeting was the HR director. Spooked levels red-lined when she came in. As it turns out, someone else is getting the ax and they were just sharing with me that I'll now be doing significant chunks of that person's job description (as well as my own). In return, when that person has completely "transitioned out" (i.e., no longer draining payroll with their presence) I get a raise. To be honest, while trying desperately to avoid the crassness of saying how much, I am *ecstatic* about the amount of the raise. It is by far larger than any I have ever received in the past, larger even than previous jumps in income when changing jobs. 2 downsides: 1) it doesn't kick in until my predecessor is gone in December (sooner if they give up and leave earlier than planned) and 2) all that extra work.

All the more reason to enjoy the living hell out of my free time when I get it :)

Following the symposium, and thanks to luck of the calendar, I enjoyed a 4-day weekend. The biggest development? I now have a housemate, at least for a few months. The best-tasting development? I finally got those previous guests back for Dinner, Part II...blackened snapper (good luck finding redfish here :P ). It was my first time ever cooking fish, so again with the Proudhomme cookbook, again with a little experimentation re: seasoning. To all reports it kicked massive amounts of ass. My own taste buds concur.

Next up: work, more work, a side order of work, supersized, with a doggy bag for the leftover work. Only 3 days this week, 2-day weekend coming up, 5 days next week, 3-day weekend, and then after that my schedule will get all kinds of goofy as HR tinkers with the compressed schedule and holidays kick in. I believe the real pain from the added work will commence with full force come Jan 2, 2010. After that I'm likely to be even scarcer than usual :/

...I've got plenty of personal shite to share. Will be doing so this weekend. I've got a few weeks worth of hooplah and shenanigans to share and catching up to do :)